Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
