i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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