Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
