i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
