I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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