glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
