About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
