dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize