4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Houston, we have a squirter
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
