I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
