sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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