We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize