Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
