I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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