watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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