When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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