dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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