those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
