Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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