I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
