i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize