that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
