There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
