There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
