If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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