I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
