it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
