I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
