I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
