You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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