Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
