I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
