2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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