her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
