Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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