How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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