i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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