Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
