Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
