Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
