i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
