I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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