Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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