I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
