He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
