So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
