I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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