I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
