Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Come share oat with me in your robe
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
