My cat gives me a boner
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
