We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
