I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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