life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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