Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
