some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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