ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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