I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
