I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
