Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
