after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
