you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
