so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
