problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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