I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
and you fell through a lawn chair
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
