she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
