hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
