i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
