i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
