just tell him i said nine months
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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