i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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