I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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