she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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