You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
